I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
