You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
