Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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