You smell like stripper and shame
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
