omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
