seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
