i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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