Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
