Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
