I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
