i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
