it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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