Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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