I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
