Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
