remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
