im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
