just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
