I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
