i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
