i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
