I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize