She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize