i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
