I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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