There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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