I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
