Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
