John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
