dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
