My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
