I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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