If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i love accidental penises.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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