So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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