somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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