my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want nice things and good sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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