Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
