she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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