Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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