areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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