But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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