When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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