He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
