I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
