I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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