he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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