bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
