They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
