No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
