hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
