I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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