This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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