hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
