areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
