Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
