If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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