He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
