I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
