beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I could fuck to npr.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
